The Unseen Dynamics of Social Eating
(You CAN change them!)
“By changing her inner-world, energy and attitude and without saying a word, my client’s inner changes changed the dynamics of the evening.”
When I first started as an Emotional Freedom Technique Practitioner I specialised in weight issues, both on a one to one basis and running groups.
I have written before about some of the fascinating reasons people don’t lose weight until their emotional issues are discovered and dealt with. What Was Going On In Your Life The Last Time You Were at Your Ideal Weight?
Today I want to write about the unseen dynamics that go on around social eating. Eating together is one of the most enjoyable, bonding, sharing experiences we can have but if you have emotional issues around over-eating, it can be very challenging.
If you approach social eating without having addressed your underlying emotional issues, you are going to struggle – to say the least.
One mother of two young children I spoke with (but didn’t work with!) explained that she had signed up for a very expensive meal delivery service. This service sent her calorie controlled meals every day. She didn’t have to think about what to buy or cook and she didn’t have to count the calories, so far so good. However, in order to resist the temptation of picking from her kid’s plates, she ate alone in the kitchen while her family ate together at the dining table. In order to resist temptation, she completely isolated herself and missed precious family time with her husband and children. Going out for a romantic dinner with her husband was out of the question as was having a girls night out with her friends.
I think you can see where this is going and can probably guess how long that kind of self-denial would last.
Having spent a lot of money on this ‘weight loss’ system and using will-power alone, she was pretty miserable. There was absolutely nothing positive to aim for and her unresolved, subconscious emotional drivers would probably ensure she wasn’t going to be able to sustain this lonely regime for very long.
On the completely opposite end of the spectrum, I worked with a lady who’s results astounded me.
We worked one to one, addressing the roots of her emotional eating with E.F.T. and she confided in me that she was worried that changing her outlook and attitude towards food might ruin a special friendship she had. She and a girlfriend had a regular girls night date where they ordered Chinese food, chatted and laughed and really enjoyed themselves. After dinner, her friend’s daughter would bring home snacks which they would all enjoy together. These evenings were really special to her and she didn’t want to lose them.
To be completely honest, at the time I didn’t know how the work we did together would affect these special evenings. I was thrilled and amazed when she told me what had happened the first ‘girls night’ after our sessions.
The evening started out as normal, chatting, laughing and having a good time. Controlling how much she ate wasn’t even on her mind, she was up for a good, fun night. What she hadn’t explained to me before, was that they always went back for second helpings and ate the food until it was gone! After that, they’d get stuck into the snacks the friend’s daughter brought over.
On this night, however, she didn’t go back for second helpings nor was she drawn to eat any of the snacks, she just felt happily full. She wasn’t using will-power, she hadn’t even consciously thought of how much she was or was not eating, she just felt full. This I would have expected, but I didn’t expect the next part! Her friend (who didn’t even know about our E.F.T. sessions and certainly hadn’t done any!) didn’t go back for second helpings either, nor did she eat as many of the snacks her daughter brought over.
By changing her inner-world, energy and attitude and without saying a word, my client’s inner changes changed the dynamics of the evening.
Whatever emotional drivers and dynamics had been at play had changed and this change affected everyone. It didn’t happen on a conscious level but on the much more powerful energetic level and best of all, none of it involved self-denial, self-discipline or will-power!
This really goes to the root of this work, we don’t want to be miserable, micro manage ourselves, struggle with will-power and expensive weight loss solutions. We want to effect change on a deep, subconscious level, by healing the emotional drivers behind the behaviour. We want this to be easy, natural and organic and most importantly we still want to be able to enjoy spending time with our loved ones, eating together and having fun!